I have been suffering with a cold. I worried for a day it might be covid and suppressed coughs in my throat. I began to wonder what would become of my children. What would become of the little chap. There is no one to help. It worries me now ; more than the first wave did. I feel vulnerable not because I am high risk but because the consequences would be catastrophic if I were to become ill and then have to be hospitalised. It doesn’t bear thinking about- but of course that I don’t want to contemplate it , is exactly why I should be thinking about it. The unbearable should always, always, always be sat opposite and looked at. Any attempt to mask it will only transform it into something far removed from its original cause. That is when time grabs hold and pushes you along, like a dinghy boat on an open sea – it’s easy to get dragged out and not so easy to find a current home.
And so I think of how much I am the centre of their live’s and how much normality, for them depends upon me.
It’s difficult to grasp but now our day to day lives are in synchrony I feel the full realisation of it, as perhaps I have not not done before.
I leave the thought there.
For now, that is all I need to consider and the only thing the children need me to do and be is right here.